I Dreamed A Dream

     

       

What made you change your mind?

I get asked this question, not a lot, but enough to make it sound like a changing story every time. I wanted Psychology because I really fell in love with Psychology. I built dreams around it, and I felt satisfied and sure about saying yes to this path. It was a safe place to me and I always thought I'd do well because surprisingly, Psychology really wasn't what I wanted but I managed to get by. To be fair with Psychology, I never actually learned what I wanted for college, even after graduating Psychology. The very consolation I had for what I lacked are my graduation rites with latin honors, and meeting the people I really considered an experience of a lifetime.

I originally intended a career in Psychology, specializing in Child Psychology. I loved Child Psychology more so than any other thing in Psychology. I dreamt my way to it. I dropped my NMAT obligation and made peace with Psychology. 

However, what didn't feel right, is the whole decision of going to Psychology. I did well convincing myself this is what I wanted, even if at night I get dreams waking up regretful. This isn't an exaggeration. I had a dream one night about not being a doctor and woke up regretful. Another dream was about an accident only I wasn't helpful medically. I was desperate to help, but helpless. Those were the kinds of dreams that felt immensely real and close even when I awake. 

I dreamed my dreams, and I realized Psychology isn't my dream. 

It was something else. Something just as noble and interesting.

On family recollection day, year 2011, the speaker asked what the valedictorian of the class wanted to be in the future. I stood and said, "Teacher". The moment I said that, I saw my father's face shrunk. Thirsty for an objection, but never got to do. An hour passed inside the hall, he went out to speak to another parent. He didn't say a word to  me.That's when I knew, my parents had a preference I can't simply run away from. At that moment, I felt sure I will never be a doctor.

It was Reverse Psychology that led me to Psychology. It was maturity that led me to my dreams.

So the question still lies, "What made you change your mind?"

It was acceptance that used much of maturity. It was recognizing that you have preferences your parents prefer too. It was the added years to my character that convinced me that fear and frustration won't lead you to a path you will love. 

It was acknowledgement that I would feel more left out from myself had I not pursued medicine.

Medicine called to me in various ways I decidedly never heard. What I'm doing now is simply picking up the call.

I owe all this character to everything I went through - failed quotas in NMAT, failure to fix my medical school applications, failure to even acknowledge a big aspect of who I want to be. All this happened to make me say yes, and now that I've decided fully, I have no idea how to put everything off again. I just simply cannot see myself other than in this path anymore. 

So now that I've come to this explanation, I don't intend to answer many times in this length.

The next time I get asked this question, "What made you change your mind?"

My answer is simple, I dreamed a dream.